A few life lessons

Dear friends and stalkers. I wish I had a better excuse as to why I have neglected you for so long. I can only say that I am here at UCD to get an education. As the words “study abroad” suggest, sometimes you have to put down the computer and get some learning done. Because I value your mental growth, I will impart the most critical of my recently attained knowledge on to you.

I don't have a photo for you. Instead you get a before and after shot of Spanx.
Isn't that exciting.

1. If you break a door handle, it is best to walk away.
2. The sub-sweater dress bathing suit operates a lot like Spanx.
3. Alcohol is bad for you.
4. Solutions to one’s toxic life decisions cannot be found by gazing at a toxic lake.
5. Printers are, universally, b*%@#es.
6. Sometimes, to catch a waiter’s attention, you really just need to stab him.
7. Putting your wallet inside the washing machine is not the most effective way to pay for it.
8. Free food is a lie.
9. Before straddling a ten foot fence, always check for cameras.
10. Emerging from your apartment only to get Ben & Jerry’s is the sign of a problem.
11. All pictures can be improved by the presence of an anteater.
    
12. Phone booths make atrociously bad hiding places.
13. Beware of men with bow ties.
14. A library is the wrong place to find out everybody can hear you blasting Justin Bieber.
15. Tennis shoes are a terrible idea.
16. Karaoke responsibly.