Ireland is like a spaceship with sheep

Ireland is blowing my mind. Sure, I always knew Ireland had rocks and grass and stuff, but what everyone failed to mention was the high volume of space age technology cached in this country. Here are some revolutionary ideas from Ireland which will change the way you look at life, travel and the Terminator franchise.

1. Escalators. Our library has not one but three glowing escalators. They beckon you into the library as if to say, "Come. Read with me" and you lose the power to do anything but. I have personally visited the library three times today simply to ride those escalators. Imagine combining the appeal of a Six Flags amusement park with the concept of learning. This is not a kindle. This is real life.
2. Vending machines. Purchasing a bottle of liquid is not just a choice, it is an experience. Enter your selection and a swinging robot arm performs a graceful dance of cosumer satisfaction to the soundtrack of "Whrr! Whr-WHRR!" and you get your Tato chips and a show. But there's more; If the machine malfunctions and you don't get what you want, it gives your money back to you. Compare this with the American standard of "Oh, you wanted juice? Well that's too bad. Nom on your monayz." Simultaneously the most depressing and infuriating thing I have seen at 3:50am on a Monday morning.
   
3. Queuing. For you American people, that means "waiting in line." Not that revolutionary sounding, but let me tell you, these Irish people know how to queue. Here, you queue for everything. To obtain paperwork from the registration office, to immigrate, to buy a slanket (that's right, it's like a Snuggie, but better in every way). Through the powers of automation and the realization that you are not special, everyone can accomplish what they need to do without ever having to encounter another human being.
4. Barcoding. Not only books, but also people, are tagged and scanned here. In the library, you can check out a book without getting the stink eye from a librarian for pronouncing Synge "Sange." In the bathroom at Garda (Ah. A bathroom post.) you can get profiled by a blue alien light for God knows what purpose.
5. Street sweepers. 21st century street cleaning machines provoke both admiration and terror when you pass one on a deserted street corner and it proceeds to stalk you with fervor across intersections and traffic for three city blocks. These machines are particularly effective at ridding the streets of SuperMacs wrappers and infants.
6. Robots. I kid you not, the Terminator lives in Ireland. The next time Kyle Reese comes back to save/impregnate Sarah Connor, he had better be ready to break out the big guns when he comes to Glendalough, a one street town in the Wiklow mountains.
   

Lynham's, one of greater Dublin's top ten pubs...

...and the Terminator, comfortably settled into the decor beneath an elk's head.

In sum, Ireland has taught me much about the world's potential through technological advances. Note that I speak to you from a laptop who's charger has all but shouted "I am going to explode," by the dark of a lamp which was curiously not immune to a sound smack during a Marjaani samba routine, next to a shower fueled by my teapot.

Oh yeah, and Ireland also has a lot of sheep.