The Irish have stolen every sport

Hurling, also known as the greatest heist the active world has ever seen, does not involve the regurgitation of gastric fluids. Rather, it demands the ingestion of every major sport, stewing in a vat of Irish angst, and crapping out of testosterone fueled art. Standing in a puddle of foreigners and mud on the coldest night in Dublin, I tried for half an hour to make any kind of sense of the rules. Here is what I came up with.

To succeed in hurling, grab a large wooden spoon. Hurl a hard, tennis-sized ball to your teammates in a lacrosse-like fashion. Catch the ball with your spoon, or use your hand like a badminton racket to hit it. Chase the ball across a field hockey field. Pass it to your teammates rugby style. Hit the ball into a combination soccer goal with football posts. And tackle as necessary.

Giant spoon things unfortunately not used for whacking opponents

Hurling has been called the fastest game on grass, so if, upon viewing this clip, you decipher any further rules, ten points to you. Too bad I have no idea whether that would bring you victory or sudden banishment.